Time to reflect...again

Well, today the person I was working for decided to really tell me what she thought of me because I did not want to do blog posts about seducing women. First, I am one, second.... past events make that topic really harmful to me, emotionally. Why in the world would any man want to seduce a woman? If you have to then you should not want her. Why don't men want to be in love anymore? Why is it all about sex? Well, I begged off the work and resigned and boy did I get one hell of an email back from her, and job POOF.

She said that I should want to do what ever I had to to take care of my kids, but here is the real rub. I have no CLUE how to write articles about seducing a women. How in the heck could I? And after the last time, I knew there was no use in trying to tell her that I was emotionally uncomfortable doing that ( not to mention , the link I was to refer to was just stupid and disgusting as heck) so I resigned as nicely as I could. I got back a mean letter that made me feel like more of a idiot that I did trying to write those posts. Ah well, I would say here.. back to the drawing board, but honestly I am tired of  going back to the drawing board. Where is the integrity in writing?

Where is the real work at? My mom keeps telling me companies are bringing jobs that are telecommute to the web all the time, what she fails to understand is these positions are still filled 90 percent of the time from within the company and even if they are not, I have no qualifications these places need. The entry level position no longer exists, even McDonalds wants you to have prior experience. Shame I spent 4 years in College and have that nifty 52,000 bill to the Gov... it is doing me NO good here where I am.

The state of Kentucky has nothing, I mean nothing at all. If you live in the mountains you may as well be living on the freaking moon. There are no social services beyond the norm, food stamps and the like. We do not even have a bus system here, it is pathetic.How do they expect any one to live here? To escape from here?

I do not take solace in this but  I know I am not the only person to be suffering this way. I wish for all who are like me to find peace. I am plumb out of ideas, plumb out of caring anymore.
I am pissed off, I am mad at myself for not seeing this coming, mad at myself for not being smarter and better and able to take care of this all. I am mad that I am not as good as the person who is able to over come. I really wish for a redo, is that possible?