05 June 2009

TGIF and other oddities


Hiking a trail in Big Sur, CA, originally uploaded by hkkid98.

Well, there is something to be said for Fridays after all :-)

I saw this photo and it fit what I was feeling today, and you all know how much I love home and miss it so its all good, but my feelings are not what they usually are when I see a photo of my Redwoods.

Today I am more reflective of some things going on inside of me. There is a lady who preaches on TV, Joyce Meyer and I love to listen to her when she has her meetings on TV. Not only for the Word but for the grounding effect she has on me. NO BS there at all, she cuts right to the thick of things and today after a few weeks of self imposed hell , she got to my icky parts. She does a bit that is a robot saying what about me, what about me, what about me. That is something we all as human beings naturally go through myself probably far more than others. And I wont feel guilty about it anymore, because I am an imperfect human being and if I were perfect I would not be here writing to anyone, right? Another point she is fond of making is many of us ( ME ) are going around the same mountain, time and time and time again, just as the Israelite's went on a journey that should have only taken 11 days and instead lasted for 40 years. I think God likes the number 40, as I at 46 seem to be on a never ending trip around the same mountain but I intend on getting over this trip. I am learning, slowly yes, but learning none the less each day.
I realize and always have intellectually that this whole thing called life is not about me, but have not been able to get out of the pity party I have been throwing myself for years until today when Joyce finally said for the millionth time in my hearing, " its about everyone else, God will take care of you!".

I want to be perfect, but will not attain that in this life, but if I remain strong in doing what I know God has asked me to do, if I remain strong in trying to attain the perfect goals of Jesus then I am doing good. I wont feel guilty anymore over what ever sins I have committed, real or imagined. I wont waste one more day not smiling or laughing or being kind and helpful and I will not hold grudges. I need to have forgiveness each day from God so what in the heck would I ever think to withhold it from anyone else?
Now that being said, I also will not be a doormat anymore. When Jesus said t urn the other cheek he did not say, stand still and wait for them to keep hitting you either. I will not be a victim any more and victims come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes they call it being an enabler, what ever you all it I am not it anymore.

I have a life to live peoples :-) I hope today brings you all the love, joy and happiness you can possibly ask for, and don't forget to go find someone to say a kind word to, hug or just give friendship to.

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