Top Ten Items Most in Demand at Gracie's Market
One fine evening, Margie and Edna (Jericho's oldest residents and gossip mavens) were enjoying a regular ritual. They were rocking on their front porch, drinking their nightly glass of elderberry cordial and discussing the events of the day. On this particular night, their conversation soon turned to scuttlebutt they'd heard about some much-needed items in town. It seems that many of the fine folks in Jericho were realizing that Gracie's had run out of several key items, and they were growing desperate.
Margie: Mr. Hawkins came by today to see how we were doing. I asked him what he misses most from Gracie's Market and he said peanuts and snacks. I'm glad we had all those peanuts in the cellar because he was smiling after I gave him a bag of them. He doesn't smile very often does he, Edna?
Edna: No, he surely doesn't. I'm getting mighty tired of peanuts, Margie. I wish we'd thought to stock up on cans of Pringles, too.
9. New shoes
Edna: Margie, have you seen the shoes on some of the people in town? You'd think that they stuck their feet in an industrial fan, their shoes are so worn out and ripped up. It's a good thing Papa taught us how to cobble. Do you think we should advertise our services?
Margie: I had forgotten that, Edna. Papa taught us girls everything. Yes, let's set up shop. We can charge 5 pounds of salt for one shoe or 10 pounds for two
Margie: I saw that cute Jake Green today. Now I don't mind a man with a little stubble on his face but Jake could use a shave. I guess most of the men have run out of razors. And, the women! They're all wearing pants now because they have hairier legs than the men do.
Edna: Well, I can't say as I blame them: that extra leg hair adds a nice layer of warmth in the winter. I agree with you, though, about the men in town needing a nice clean shave. I'm getting mighty tired of men going around looking like lumberjacks.
7. Hair color
Margie: I saw Emily at Bailey's today and I asked her if there was anything she needed. She said she sure does miss her hair color. She looked a sight. I told her to come see you tomorrow because you'd never be without your hair coloring.
Edna: Margie, you bite your tongue, you know this is my real hair color! Besides, it wouldn't kill that girl to grow her roots out. I like her better as a brunette.
Edna: I was talking to Mary Bailey just the other day, and she was saying about how she couldn't find a single bottle of aspirin in the whole entire town. Now, I don't rightly know what she wants with aspirin when she's got a still full of liquid pain-killer at her disposal. To each their own, I guess.
Margie: Mary Bailey? Psstt.. She needs some new brain cells. That Eric Green is all she studies. Well, I've got my aspirin right here in my cup of tea.
5. Tubes of toothpaste and new toothbrushes:
Edna: I don't understand why people are so worried about the fact that the market has run out of toothpaste and toothbrushes. Do you remember back in the old days when we used to use tooth powder to brush our teeth? People just need to use a little baking soda; it's kept my teeth pearly white all these years.
Margie: Yes, Edna, both of your teeth are pearly white. If everybody had dentures like me they wouldn't have to worry about tooth powder. I just use that old finger technique.
Edna: Margie I've got to tell you, for a town full of farmers, everyone sure is worried about smelling nice. I was talking to that young Sean Henthorn today, and he kept asking me if I had any black-market deodorant. I guess he wants to impress Bonnie Richmond. I told him to stop worrying about his hygiene and start trying to impress Stanley.
Margie: That's right, Edna. Stanley is not taken with that boy. That reminds me of something I meant to tell you. I heard Stanley is going to marry that Revenuer woman. I suppose that's one way to avoid paying taxes
Margie: Edna, remember when Mama told us never to leave the house without putting on clean underwear? You never wore any but I wish I had a few nice pairs from Gracie's. You never know around here when you might need medical attention and I don't want anybody seeing these rags I'm wearing.
Edna: Margie, if anyone gets a peek under your skirt, they'll be so traumatized by the experience that they won't even care what kind of underwear you're wearing. Besides, would you even want to wear underwear that came from that store? You know that Dale would have had to have gotten them in trade somehow, and it would be just like a man to stock "previously owned" underwear.
2. Bottled water:
Edna: Margie, you will never guess what I saw today! That IRS woman was fighting with Allison Hawkins over the last bottle of water down at Gracie Leigh's! My lands, what has this world come to when decent folk are fighting over water. I told them they should go and get some water from the town pump, but they didn't listen to me. It's shameful how people treat their elders these days, just shameful.
Margie: Fighting over water? Did you have your glasses on, Edna? That's just plum crazy. They should have listened to you, Edna, because you weren't born yesterday. These young folk just have no respect. It's the parents' fault I tell you. You know what they say about sparing that hickory switch.
And the number one item most in demand at Gracie's?
1. Toilet paper
Margie: Edna, I was thinking about how glad I am that Papa never tore down that old outhouse. It sure does come in handy. I was talking to Mrs. Hawkins and she said she'd pay $100 for a roll of toilet paper. I told her to drop by tomorrow and we could let her have one of our old Sears and Roebuck catalogs.
Edna: $100! My goodness, if she's got $100 in cash, maybe she should be using that for toilet paper. It was mighty generous of you, Margie, to offer her one of our old Sears catalogs. Don't forget to warn her about paper cuts, though.
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